i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
