were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
