guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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