Do vagina's smell?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
