he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize