apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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