I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
