if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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