Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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