I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
