Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
