You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
