we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
