I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
