You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
