I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
