YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
