Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
