So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
