Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
