you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So squirting runs in the family.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
