I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize