Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Randomize
