I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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