he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize