I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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