we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
