Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
