wat bout pragnant strippers??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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