so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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