i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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