I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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