Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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