Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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