Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
