Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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