hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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