Nicole vs. Life
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
