I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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