We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
