he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
