Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
