i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize