we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize