i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
