are you still at the devil's house?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize