girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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