I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
