so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
