I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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