You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
