first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
