i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
