he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
