i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize