the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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