so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
