so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He kissed a someone with a penis
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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