I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
