Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize