Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
