Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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