It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
