he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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