wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
