and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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