Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
