That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Randomize