well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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