I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
