guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
