I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
